May Flowers: Time to Grow
“I feel so stuck”
“I want to try this new thing, but I just don’t know how”
“I can’t do it because…”
Do you ever feel like you or your kid are just stuck? Like you want to do something new, but when you think about it just seems so scary? Have you been encouraging your kids to try something new - or heck maybe just trying to help them transition back to in-person school - but keep hearing things like “it’s too hard” or “I won’t be able to do it” or “what if someone is better than me?”. What if I was able to provide some simple things you could try each day to help shift those statements to things like, “I’ll learn how to do this even if it’s hard!” or “If I make a mistake, I’ll just learn from it” or “ I can learn from other people!”…would you try them?
We all want to grow…most of the time…
When we think of change and growth, I think one of the most common images that comes to mind is a beautiful butterfly emerging from their cocoon (it truly is beautiful!). But I think what is sometimes forgotten, is what actually happens during this metamorphosis - before that beautiful butterfly ever comes out of it’s cocoon, it goes through some seriously hard times! (Seriously, go look it up after reading this, it’s not pleasant, but I don’t want to get too distracted here. )
Getting through the metamorphosis…
So as we think about change and growth, we usually go into it with this amazing image of beautiful butterfly, but when we are hit with the reality of what it may take, we start to pull back a little…or maybe a lot. This is because most of us grow-up with what is known as a “fixed mindset”, rather than a “growth mindset”. The good news is that once we are aware of our mindset and how it affects us, we are able to begin to make a shift.
Let’s take a closer look…
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
Below are some characteristics of both! As you go through, think about what mindset you have and what you encourage in your child. Try doing it without judging yourself and simply use this as a check-in for information :)
Growth Mindset
Fixed Mindset
Views challenges as opportunities!
Acknowledges (and even embraces) flaws!
Can give & receive feedback and/or constructive criticism!
Talents and intelligence is viewed as dynamic and always improving with practice!
Seeks out learning over approval of others.
Stays focused on the process, rather than end result.
Understands that any effort applied is training the brain!
Thinks of failure as an opportunity to grow!
Persists despite setbacks!
Avoids challenges.
Difficultly taking in feedback or constructive criticism.
Belief that talents and intelligence is static or cannot change.
Need for approval before trying new things.
Focused on proving yourself to others.
Threatened or jealous at others success.
Effort without achieving the goal is pointless.
Failure is seen as a reflection of personal ability.
Gives up easily.
Growth Mindset is a CONTINUUM!
This is an important point!
The above compare and contrast makes this seems like an either/or type of situation. But if we view it that way, that is not really staying true to the growth mindset.
On top of that, each time we notice we are having a fixed mindset, this may lead to some judgmental thoughts, that will keep us stuck there (and that’s not really helpful!).
When you notice yourself having these thoughts, try to push them along the continuum!
For example…
I won’t do this —>
I don’t think I can do this —>
I want to do this —>
How do I do this? —>
I’ll try and do this —>
I can do it! —>
I will do it! —>
I did it!!!
Each step forward in this continuum is a major win! This is the metamorphosis process that is so hard! And at each step, we can get a little lost or stuck in the process - and that is okay - just notice this and where you are at in the process - and then choose your next step forward to becoming the beautiful butterfly!
Some ways to encourage kid’s growth mindset…
Try this…
“I’m still learning, so I’ll keep trying!”
“What can I learn to get better at this?”
“Is this the best I can do?”
“With more practice, it’ll get easier!”
“Mistakes are how I learn and get better!”
“What can I learn from them”
“I can learn how!”
“I can always find ways to improve!”
“Challenge makes me better and helps me learn!”
“I’ll try a different way!”
When they say this…
“I can’t do it”
“I’m not good at this”
“It’s not good enough”
“It’s too hard”
“I’m don’t want to make a mistake”
“They are better than me”
“I don’t know how”
“I can’t make this any better”
“I don’t want to challenge myself”
“I give up”
Notice that many of the growth mindset statements are about learning, being flexible, and asking ourselves a question in order to MOVE FORWARD, rather than staying stuck!!
So go and embrace the metamorphosis process with a growth mindset and be a beautiful butterfly!
