May Flowers: Grow Through, What you Go Through
“I feel so lost”
“I don’t know how I am going to get through this”
“Why is this happening”
Life is hard. There’s just no denying that. And honestly at times it can feel so unfair. We can be do everything “right” and living our best life only to have a storm come through and uproot us. Today we are going to look at 3 simple ways to take care of yourself and your kiddos either during the storm or after so you can grow through what you go through!
This plant’s story…
Take this little plant for example. It sprouted from its mother plant and was the most adorable little sproutling - it worked so hard to push it’s way through the dark and rocky soil to find the sunlight, only to have me come along, dig it up, and put it into foreign soil. (Side note - to capture the whole story, I was moving and this sproutling’s mother plant was waaayyy to big to try and transplant, so this little plant was chosen to come to my new home instead). Well, that adorable little sproutling lost all of it’s leaves and I was pretty sure it had died - but I didn’t give up on it…
This Plant’s Story Cont’d…
Each day I would attend to it and see what it needed and try to give it just that - no more, no less. One day when I came to check on it, I saw it had started to sprout new leaves. and as you’ll see later, it is back to its adorable little self and is growing faster than ever!
This is what this blog is about today, for those moments when you feel like you have been through a storm, been uprooted, and lost all of your leaves. How do you set new roots to stay grounded and then give yourself what you need in order to come back even more beautiful than the last time?
It’s as “easy” as A-B-C
A-B-C’s of Growth
Information adapted from Dialectical Behavior Therapy
A - Accumulating Positives
Start by making a list of things that currently or previously have brought about positive emotions and do at least 1 per day.
Be mindful during pleasant events - SOAK IN THOSE POSITVE FEELINGS! (Try not to multi-task, just be present.)
Notice what the positive feelings are like in your body. Stay with that! Try not to think about how you’ve previously felt, or how you might feel later…just stay with the current positive feeling.
Refocus your attention to something positive when it starts to wander to the negative (train that brain!).
Avoid avoiding! If there’s something you are putting off because you feel like it will be difficult, lean into rather than away from it.
Identify your values and set small goals to start working towards living your life according to your values.
B - Building Mastery
Do one thing per day that brings about a sense of accomplishment. Even something small like changing a burnt out light bulb.
Plan for success, not failure. Do something that is difficult, but not impossible!
Increase the difficulty of these tasks overtime. If something turns out to be too difficult, make it a little easier the next time, remember it’s called building mastery!
At the same time, try to look for challenges. If something becomes too easy, try something a little more challenging next time.
C -Coping Ahead
We are all bound to face difficult situations in life. Sometimes we know they are coming and in that event, we can start to prepare for them ahead of time!
Start by describing what may be difficult about the situation. Be sure to check the facts and be specific when describing. This will help clear your head of unnecessary worries.
Decide what kind of coping skill(s) you may need to handle the situation effectively.
Imagine the situation and begin to rehearse using the coping skills! Try to really be in that moment so your mind and body will get real practice!
Practice relaxation skills after rehearsing such as deep breathing or grounding.
Lastly…Give yourself what you need!
This is an important point!
I used to struggle with my own mental health during periods of turmoil and during that period of my life I definitely did not have a green thumb.
As I learned how to heal and grow through whatever I went through, I realized one of the most important things is learning what you need - and oddly enough, this also helped me develop a green thumb. When I thought the plant was dead, I didn’t just toss it out, or put it in full light, or no light, give it lots of water or no water. I mindfully attended to it each day. Noticing how much sunlight it could tolerate, how much water it needed, if there were any pests, etc.
This is how I would recommended practicing the A-B-C’s of growth. Wake up each day and ask yourself what you need. And know that it is okay if it changes day-to-day or week-to-week or even moment-to-moment.
And perhaps most importantly, as you do this for yourself, you will notice yourself helping your little ones begin to practice the A-B-C’s of growth too. This will help them to grow and learn how to take care of themselves through difficult events. It’s a whole cycle of beautiful growth!
